PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actins, feelings, or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid.”
14. I have the right to say “I don’t know.”
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.

Intimate Communication

Intimacy between two people is a measure of how and how often we make an attempt at emotional communication and how the other responds to each attempt.

All relationships require the sharing of emotional information to stay connected. This information can be shared through small talk, humor, ‘friendly’ gossip, affection, romance, support, problem solving or meaningful conversation (values, goals, worries). It can be expressed by a comment, a question, a request, a gesture, a look or a touch. Intimate communication says, “I am trying to connect with you in this moment.”

Our partner can respond to our attempt at connection in one of three ways:

1. Turning Towards

¨ They react in a positive way with interest, humor or affection.

¨ Every respectful, friendly, interested or loving response adds to the level of intimacy in a relationship.

2. Turning Against

¨ They react in a critical, argumentative, contemptuous, defensive or domineering way. This says:

o Your need for attention makes me angry.

o I feel hostile towards you.

o I don’t respect you.

o I don’t value you or our relationship.

o I want to hurt you.

o I want to drive you away.

3. Turning Away

a. They react by ignoring the other’s attempt at connection or by acting pre-occupied;

b. Repeated turning away says:

i. I don’t care.

ii. I want to avoid connection with you.

iii. I am not interested in your interest.

iv. I’ve got more important things (than our relationship) on my mind.

v. You are not worth my time.

vi. I am too busy to make time for you.

Without intimate communication we feel lonely even in the presence of the other person.

Couples who turn away seem to divorce earlier in their relationship, but most couples who turn against seem to split up eventually.

The cost of an unhappy marriage is high. Studies show that staying in an unhappy marriage increases your chances of getting sick by 35% and shortens your lifespan by an average of 5 years.

Inca Archetypes

The archetypes are called on to open and hold Sacred Space. They help us by lending us their strength.

The Inca start calling in the sacred space from the south. In the Inca tradition, the following four directional archetypes are called:

South – Sachamama, the serpent: to give the lesson of shedding what no longer serves us as the snake sheds its skin.

West – Jaguar: to teach us to face life and death without fear as the jaguar faces the trials of the jungle.

North – Sewar Kenti, the hummingbird: who teaches us that like the hummingbird, we too can make an “impossible journey.” The north is also the place of the “Old Ones,” our lineage of wise elders.

East – Eagle &/or Condor: to teach us to see the big picture from the high perspective and to strive to fly wing to wing with the Great Spirit.

Mother Earth: to hold us safe. We call on all of her people, the finned, the furred, the feathered, the rock people and the plant people, to work with us in Sacred space.

Father Sun, Grandmother Moon, Star Nations and the Great Spirit to shine their light and wisdom on our medicine space.

INCA FIRE

When laying the Inca fire, the wood is laid out in the form of the Southern Cross. Once the fire is laid, open Sacred Space and light the fire. As soon as the fire is lit, the fire master will initiate the fire chant everyone present sings the fire chant through the entire ceremony.

The Fire Chant deepens the relationship with the fire and helps us be in harmony and balance with the community.

The fire master will make offerings of olive oil and sweet oil to the fire three times. When the fire becomes friendly (and our vibrations match that of the fire), the fire master will approach the fire and place their fire arrow into the flames. Once they have placed their fire arrow into the fire, they will then pass their hands through the smoke and draw energy from the fire three times, first to their belly, then to their heart and then to their forehead.

Once the fire master is finished, they will signal that people present may come up. Ensure that no more than four people are at the fire at one time. Participants offer their fire arrow to the fire, then draw energy three times to themselves.

While a person is at the fire, someone will stand behind them and guard them from intrusive energies which often choose this as a vulnerable time to attach themselves. Wear darker clothing to be invisible to the dark energies.

Always move clockwise around the fire because moving counter-clockwise will unwind the energy.

Once everyone has made their offering, the youngest or the oldest person will then place the pachamama stick into the fire. The pachamama stick represents Mother Earth. Throughout the ceremony it is handed around the circle. Into the pachamama stick, you blow your prayers for Mother Earth, what you want to do for her or what you wish for her.

The fire master will then close the fire and the chanting will cease.

Fire Offering

The fire offering usually consists of three sticks no larger than a pencil. Into each stick blow whatever you are trying to give up; resentment, a vice, a hurt, etc. Offer these to the fire and silently thank the fire for taking this burden from you. Watch your burden be burnt away and travel to the heavens in the smoke.

Read the fire from all four directions for further insight.

Blackfoot Fire Song

WAY-OH-HAY

WAY-OH-HAY

WAY-OH-HAY

WAY-OH-HAY .. A..HAY…HAY…HAY…HAY…HAY

The fire song is sung four rounds while the elder walks clockwise around the fire. After the fourth round is sung, all present become silent. The elder will first approach the fire and cleanse themselves by drawing handfuls of fire and washing down their body. The elder then places their offering into the fire and steps back. At this point, those present may approach the fire, cleanse themselves and make their offering. No more than four people at the fire at one time.

During the fire, those present are to read the fire from four different directions. Always move clockwise around a fire. Be respectfully silent.

Once everyone has cleansed and made their offering and read the fire from four directions, the elder will approach the fire from the east, rattle four times, then move to the south and rattle four times, then the west and the north. Once this is completed, the elder will call for the fire Song once again by starting to sing. Again four rounds are sung in order to sing the fire to sleep.

Blackfoot Fire

When conducting a Blackfoot Fire, open Sacred Space first.

Then the wood is placed in the form of a tipi, with an opening facing to the east. This opening represents the door of the tipi facing the rising sun. The fire is the releasing of the sun that has been held by the wood. The sun is the gift to the tree that helped it to grow and flourish, and through the fire, the tree passes on the gift to those present.

Once the fire is laid and is ready to light, the elder approaches the waiting wood from the east and rattles four times over the wood. The elder then moves to the south and again rattles four times over the wood, then the west and finally the north. Once the elder has rattled from all four directions, he/she lights the fire through the opening and begin the Fire Song.

Blackfoot Archetypes

Blackfoot ceremonially opens sacred space starting by welcoming in the Archetype from the East and going clockwise to South, West, North, Earth and Sky.

Eagle (East): to teach us to fly with the Great Spirit and see the big picture from great heights.

Whitetail Deer (South): to teach us to walk softly on the earth, to see, hear, smell and to shed what no longer serves us, just like the deer sheds its winter coat.

Grizzly Bear (West): to teach us to walk through the forest of life without fear.

Raven (North): to spread his black wings of protection over us and to teach us to see both the serious side and the funny side of ourselves and life.

Earth: We ask Mother Earth to carry us on her back in safety while we do our medicine work.

Sky: We call on the old one Napi, and the Great Spirit Aapiistotoki to keep us safe while we are doing our work.

The Four Agreements

By Don Miguel Ruiz, 1997

“The Four Agreements” summarize principles for life from ancient Toltec wisdom – one of the indigenous peoples of Mexico. They are principles that are consistent with First Nations teaching as know by those preparing these materials. The agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word (Careful and Honest): Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a protection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinion of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

One additional ‘agreement’ not in the book:

Take Your Responsibility and only yours: Take responsibility for what is truly yours, including mistakes. Don’t blame others but allow them to take ownership of their responsibilities.