While I was looking at the Twelve Steps on the wall at my meeting, I was suddenly aware of the words “admit,” “believe,” and “decide.”
Step One tells me to admit I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable. Admit it—that’s a big step. To admit I am powerless is to admit that I don’t have control and that can be frightening to me. As the adult child of an alcoholic I want to fix things for everyone, but if I don’t control it, how can I fix it?
This Step brought such relief to me. My life was a wreck. I had seen many counselors and read all the self-help books. I had been unable to change the alcoholic, my situation, or myself. When I realized that I can’t control it, I realized I didn’t cause it either.
Step Two tells me to believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. This brought me hope. I had tried so many ways to fix this problem and had gotten nowhere. I was an emotional, physical, and spiritual wreck trying to find a solution to the behavior.
Finally something more powerful than I am would work on this problem along side of me. I now had a chance of restoring my sanity and bringing peace into my life. I stopped looking to the alcoholic for peace of mind.
Step Three asks me to decide to turn my will over to God as I know Him. I have a choice. I can keep doing what I have been doing or I can give up the self-will to control things, fix things, and have things my way. God’s will might not be mine. I have to accept this reality and turn it all over to God.
When my will is God’s will, it is easy to turn things over. The hard part is making the decision to turn my will over to God and accept the circumstances as they are.
I am getting better at working these first three Steps. There are times when I feel weak, weepy, or worried about my life. When those feelings come to my attention, I remember to admit, believe, and decide. Then I always feel better.
By Tamara O., Missouri
The Forum, January 2009
© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2009. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
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